In the short time between now and when this happened, I’ve regaled a lot of my friends with this story. My female friends, in particular, love it because it’s a testament to how neurotic and awkward I am. One of my friends (If you’re reading this, MG, I hope you’re fucking happy) suggested that I post this online, mentioning this subreddit.
This probably reads like awful fan fiction (do you read that too, MG?) but I’ll try to do it justice regardless of fluctuating verbal tense. I’m Pat, by the way.