We'll Always Have Foxboro - M/F M/F | 2016

I had previously gone up to Foxboro to see the New York Jets play on two different occasions. The first game was when the Jets & Patriots were both 5-0 and it was back when Chad Pennington was the QB. My brother and I arrived late and couldn’t scalp tickets. We ended up watching from the open outer gate as Brady scored right before halftime. The rest of the game was listened to on the radio as the defense couldn’t stop the Patriots from getting a first down. We lost as Corey Dillon ran down the clock.

My next visit to Foxboro also ended poorly. I went up with Matt since we both had season tickets for the Jets and felt like the trip to Gillette Stadium was warranted. We ended up getting humiliated on prime time TV. I had been sitting alone while Matt was with my brother and friends. I remember walking back up to them. “You guys ready to leave?” I asked bitterly. We then all booked before the third quarter ended. My record for away games now stood at 0-2.

Matt called me up weeks later. “We have to go to Foxboro again,” he stated. I was silent for a few seconds. “I don’t know man. I don’t think I can handle it after that last game.”

“We’re part of the team. I mean, obviously we’re not on the team but we have to stick by them.” He continued, “We’re real Jets fans and we can prove it by going when no one believes.”

“Agh…” I was without words. “Yea man. You’re right. Aghh… We have to go. It’s the Playoffs. We better fucking win this time!”

This was going to be my 10th football game this year. That’s not even counting the Preseason Games, which are always a meaningless waste of money. We still felt unsure about our decision to go, but it didn’t stop us from scouring the internet for tickets. We didn’t know what to expect at all.

I eventually found a ticket for $265. It was about $40 more than what I had previously paid when I had last gone to Foxboro. I printed it out through StubHub.com’s online processing. The original ticket’s face value was for $150. I didn’t mind the difference and the only thing on my mind was the possibility of redemption.

Matt’s ticket was more or less the same price but his was in a different section. This time he too was going to be alone. We also decided that we were both going decked out in Jets gear. We didn’t know if it was going to be hostile, neither of us had ever attended a Playoff game before, much less an away game. Regardless, we planned on being reserved and cautious.

This time we planned on staying in Providence, Rhode Island instead of Boston. We reserved a room at a hotel for Friday night and planned on spending the night in Providence and waking up early the next day to tailgate. We had both been to Providence together once before and had an awesome time. I’m fairly certain Matt experienced his first blow job when we went last.

Matt drove us up. It took awhile and finding the hotel was a pain in the ass. The streets were a maze. After finding the hotel, I walked over to a nearby liquor store and bought a bottle of Grey Goose. I figured, since Matt got the hotels, I should handle the booze and food.

We headed up to our rooms after we cleared up an issue at the front desk. Apparently we got downgraded but Matt ended up getting complimentary drinks and food as compensation. Our downgrade consisted of having one king sized bed instead of two queen sized ones. I didn’t mind since there was a cot in the closet that I could use. The plan was if either of us brought someone back, they’d get the bed for the night. We headed out after pregaming with the bottle of Goose. Matt mixed his with his usual diet fruit juices. I drank mine on the rocks as per usual.

“You know I’m the only one here, right?” Matt stated while sipping his drink.

“What are you talking about?”

“Why are you drinking that without a chaser?” He gestured with his drink to my glass.

“Dude, you know I don’t need it.”

“Whatever. There’s no one in here to impress though. But, it’s cool. You do what you want.” He smirked and looked away as he kept drinking his mixed vodka.

I laughed. I didn’t know what to say, but I was certain that Matt thought I really was trying to look cool in front of him. Back when we first started drinking that may have had some truth to it. Nowadays, it’s just what I do. Things get a lot simpler when it’s Scotch.

We got in a good pregame and started bar hopping immediately. We noticed how young the crowd was and had an issue finding a legitimate bar to stay at. We were recommended a bar by a friend, he had gone to college in Providence, and it turned out being a solid decision. We decided to leave though and see what else is going on in case there were even better options. After almost going into a gay bar, we decided to just go back to the original clublike bar we had just left.

The night went by quickly. Matt hooked up with at least one chick. I got a girl’s number. Her name was Elizabeth. That came into play later. I didn’t do well since I didn’t actually close anything, but the night was fun. I met a lot of girls. I failed more than I cared to, but any experience is good experience. I ended up walking back to the hotel alone, drunk & frustrated. I passed out on the cot after answering a few texts while in blackout mode.

The morning was miserable. I attempted buying as many bottles of water as I could from the hotel vending machine. My best efforts amounted to just two bottles. I didn’t have many singles and the few quarters I had kept getting rejected. I resorted to filling up an ice bucket and chewing on ice for the next hour. I felt uncomfortable drinking from the faucet, so these were the depths I went to in order to quench my endless dehydration.

Matt woke up to me munching on ice. We decided to head down to the restaurant so he could get his free lunch while I drank away my hangover. I was already sipping on Grey Goose as Matt looked on while shaking his head. Matt headed out the door while I took one final swig from the bottle.

The playoffs were getting started as we arrived at the hotel bar. The Falcons were getting torn apart. I was getting even more anxious about the Jets game now. I ordered a massive seafood platter and a Scotch. The seafood was amazing and actually helped take my mind off the game. Matt looked on in disappointment as his free lunch was ordinary.

"You mind if I taste that?" he asked.

"You missed out man. I am getting full though so have my leftovers." I left him a few scraps.

It was then time to switch hotels. We already had our stuff packed and with us. I rolled my bag in following Matt from the valet. This hotel turned out to be even fancier than the first. We were at the front desk checking in and this time everything went as planned. Even the elevator is faster and more elegant.

Our room was almost three times bigger than our original hotel’s. Fortunately, there were two queen size beds this time. On top of that, the bedroom was separated by a wall that led to a separate living room. The bathroom itself was the size of our last hotel room. We were amazed enough that we quickly called out our beds and proceeded to lay down and pass out for some time.

It was just about game time. We awoke early enough to watch previews and talk about the game. “I can’t see us losing this time,” I told him.

"You’re such a bastard. Thanks for jinxing us," Matt angrily responded.

We then walked down to his car with the bottle of Grey Goose and some over sized beer bottles. The drive was quick and we ended up parking in a lot that was probably the equivalent of six NYC blocks.

After parking, we drank in the car in an attempt to get a serious buzz going. It was almost game time, so we weren’t as successful as we had hoped. We power walked and even jogged some of the walk to the stadium. The line at the gate was packed. I took a bunch of pictures of weird Patriots fans and their dumb signs while we waited on a security line to get in.

Matt and I walked in and stuck together. He was at a different seat in another section but the game had yet to start. I bought us beers at one of the stands. The girl serving them was cute. I talked to her and joked about my age. She was actually younger and had carded me so I figured it was a decent way to make some headway. Matt urged me to return later because he believed I had a shot. I told him I would.

The game was set for kickoff. We separated and went to our seats. Mine were in the middle of a row full of Patriots fans. One woman refused to get up to let me pass. I stood there silent and awkwardly waited for her to move her feet. Instead of moving them, she bent her knees closer to her body and barely let me pass. She laughed at me and said, “That’s all you get.” She was joking, but at the same time she was being a bitch.

The game started and everyone stood up. The Jets kicker, Nick Folk, missed an early short field goal. Things were looking bad already. It was eerily reminiscent of the last debacle. I was silent as the Patriots marched up the field and kicked their own field goal.

A man to the right of me then started to randomly poke me. People around are throwing high fives and cheering while this weird fan keeps poking me in ridicule. Another Patriot fan tells the guy to stop and says, “There’s no need for that.” I tell him, “I appreciate that.”

The tide turned. The Jets Inside Linebacker, David Harris, intercepted Tom Brady’s first pass in what had been a record breaking streak. He ran it back but was out of gas and couldn’t score. We ended up scoring anyway and essentially pouring it on. The Jets were full throttle. I was beginning to believe. I was glad I was wearing my green Jets hooded sweatshirt.

In the meantime, I was confident enough in the game that I kept leaving my seat. I visited the beer girl around 3 or 4 times. I thought I was making serious headway. She laughed and told me her name towards the end of the second quarter. We talked about her college and similar things. I found it funny that every time I went back to my seat, that lady was still there being even more of a bitch as the game went on. She didn’t stay much longer.

It was then halftime. People were sitting down. The last game I had gone to in Foxboro had been completely different. Everyone stood the entire time I was there. The Jets had efficiently silenced the stadium. Even the guy who was poking me and the friend who had stopped him were nowhere to be seen! The entire atmosphere screamed in favor of the Jets.

I went back to the beer stand. They were closing down. I ask one of the girls, “Where’s Sarah?” They smiled and pointed me in her direction. I walked over and saw her moving boxes and closing things up. I said something witty yet forgettable as she giggled. “Do you have a number I can reach you at?” I asked.

"How about I get your number instead?"

I knew this was a clear cut dead end. I gave it to her anyway and wrote my name down on the piece of paper she had given me. I walked back to my seat in disappointment. At least I had the game to go back to.

Whenever a girl asks you for your number, she’s not asking for your number. She’s politely rejecting you. Girls will never make the first move. It’s not in their genetics. That’s why even if a guy makes the first move and says to take his number, it still leads to that dead end. Now, no one is right all the time. I’d prove myself wrong in about an hour.

The Jets were suddenly winning by more than a touchdown. The Patriots appeared deflated. I was beginning to cheer out loud and without restraint. Suddenly, I got hit in the back. I figured it was an idiot Patriot fan and I knew I had to deal with him before things escalated. I originally planned on gauging how big the guy was and then reacting accordingly.

They were two girls. They were appeared to be between 25 and 28 years old. The one who had hit me had done so with her purse. She had red hair and was attractive. The friend was short and had dark brown hair with a thinner frame. They knew that the Patriots were going to lose and I guess they didn’t like my cheering.

“I hate you,” the red head declared.

“It’s okay, because I love red heads,” I answered defiantly while smiling.

“I hate you,” she repeated.

“Well, I absolutely love you.”

She was trying her best to not crack a smile. I continued to smile at both girls. The conversation went back and forth along those lines for the rest of the fourth quarter. It consisted of me constantly saying, “I love you.” She continuously repeated her disdain for me and everything Jets.

Then Matt showed up. Things were falling together perfectly. He started talking to the cute brunette and things were escalating appropriately. The only negative was that our cell phones weren’t working in the stadium. I had previously been unable to communicate wit him. Him appearing like this had seemed like it was scripted. Nonetheless, I was glad to see him.

I was barely paying attention to the game anymore. Instead, I became obsessed with the red head. I had noticed something ridiculous and it was the one thing that catapulted things to the next level.

“You have green eyes!” I exclaimed.

She smiled at me and could not stop much less hide it.

“I am absolutely in love with you.” I never let up. “Is there anywhere around here I can buy a ring?” I called her Green Eyes for the rest of the night.

Matt was listening and smirked at my absurd comments. Even the brunette was smiling. We kicked the conversation up a gear. It turned out that these girls were actually from Providence. They had even been out the night before. One of the bars I had stopped at was called Blakes. Green Eyes told me she knew that place well.

The game was all but over now. The two girls had said that they were leaving in order to beat the traffic. My phone didn’t work in the stadium and we planned on staying to celebrate the win, so I threw a Hail Mary. I told the girls, “Call my phone when you leave.” I expected yet another dead end.

Matt went nuts. He ran around the stadium and I lost him for awhile. It was all Jets fans in the stadium at this point. I ran up and down empty rows while holding my arms out like a jet soaring through the sky. I high fived a ton of Jets fans who were doing the same. I then took a bunch of pictures with crazy Jets fans, one of which had Hulk Hands on and a weird cap on.

The stadium workers eventually told me to leave along with the others. I walked out and saw a Patriot fan sitting in his chair all alone in utter disbelief. I took a picture even though the flash was bright and he could potentially get angry. I then ran through the stadium doing the Jets flight before running into Matt. He had taken a sign that someone had left which was mocking Antonio Cromartie. We both ran through the stadium throwing hive fives to Jets fans and cheering. There were J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets chants echoing throughout the corridors.

We got to the car after taking more pictures with even more Jets fans. We still had a portion of Grey Goose left. Matt wouldn’t drink it so I decided to finish it on my own. It was bottoms up. Matt took pictures as I almost threw up trying to chug it. Once I finished, we drove back to Providence. It was time to celebrate.

I got a flurry of texts as we were stuck in traffic. It was Green Eyes. I had been wrong! Maybe texting had saved me in this scenario, but technically I was still wrong. She had text messaged me that she hated me. I responded with the usual I love you. Soon enough she was asking where we were headed tonight. I looked up bars and she responded by declaring that the ones I found all sucked. She mentioned Blakes instead and we agreed to meet up.

Matt and I chilled at the hotel waiting for them. There was nothing to drink so we just stripped out of our heavy clothing and got dressed. I was drunk and doing the Jets flight in my boxers. At one point, I opened the door and ran through the hallways in my boxers. Before going back into the room, I grabbed a bunch of newspapers and saved them since the headlines were all about the Patriots potential domination which never was.

We ended up meeting the girls at Blakes. They’d been waiting for awhile. We started drinking up and the tab kept piling in. I was buying all the drinks that night. At least that’s what I planned. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. I was out of cash. Either Matt threw in money or one of the girls did. I was drunk and wasn’t paying attention.

I soon started hooking up with Green Eyes at the bar. Matt took pictures of us with his camera. I then escalated and took off Green Eye’s bra. Things move quickly. Matt originally wasn’t planning on doing anything with brunette. I guess he didn’t find her cute at first. He eventually changed his mind and reciprocated his picture taking with my own of him hooking up with her. We then went back to the hotel after I embarrassingly left the tab for someone else to handle.

We entered the hotel room and Matt and Sophia went straight to his bed. I took the red head to the large green couch, since it was separate from the bedroom. It seemed like fate. When we originally had arrived at the room, I had told Matt that if by some odd chance I got laid, it would be on this green couch in honor of the Jets.

There I was hooking up with Green Eyes. We stripped down and she does the arch with her back as I took off her panties. I was down to my boxers yet again. I was already at full attention, so I stripped down and went at it right away. Tonight seemed unbelievably awesome.

I was suddenly having issues though. The awkward angle on the sofa was killing my knees. The excessive booze was also draining my manhood. I tried to switch up positions but all it did was kill the intensity. Things started to slow down. I was starting to feel anxious and all it did was make things worse. I asked her to go down on me and she did, but I had to make her stop after a few minutes.

“Fuck it,” I said, “Let’s go into the room.”

We walked over to my bed and we could hear Sophia moaning loudly. It was dark and seeing anything at all was a chore, so it put an end to any kind of feeling of intrusion. I pulled out the comforter and sheets and we climbed in. We finally started having sex again and the intensity was back. I was back.

After a few minutes, the moaning started to get louder. Sophia was going nuts. Matt was really showing her a good time. Green Eyes and I laughed. Then I started to lose my erection yet again. I was worrying too much. We switched up and changed positions myriad times. I didn’t know whether it was the alcohol in my system or the loud moaning, but something was seriously undermining my performance.

I decided to try and collect myself and give it time. I went down on Green Eyes and had her do her own different version of the moaning that was going on in the room. When she finished, she pulled me up and proceeded to give me a hand job. She was going slow, but it was exactly what I needed. Sophia and Matt sounded like they were either done or sleeping. Green Eye had now gotten me back to form and we started doing it again with her back facing me. After proudly stepping it up, we went back into the missionary as I pulled out and busted on her stomach. I regretted this immediately. There are few things I hate more than when a girl hugs you after cumming all over them.

It was a complete mess as she hugged me and started hooking up with me again. I rolled over as she let go and it seemed as if I was covered in as much crap as she was. I laughed a bit, but it was just a cover for how grossed out I was. We went to the bathroom and cleaned up. I thought about a round two for a second in the shower, but it was late and we went back to sleep instead.

I spooned with her as she held my hand over her large breasts. I lost the feeling in my arm after a few hours. I could barely sleep. Then an alarm goes off at 6AM. All I could think was what the fuck? We had about 2 1/2 hours of sleep at best. Our wake up call couldn’t have been that early.

Apparently Sophia had to go to work. The worst part wasn’t even her waking up so damned early. The absolute worst thing was that the whole night I had gone without knowing Green Eyes’ true name. I never forgot it because I never asked for it. Sophia was all but ready to shatter my dreams.

One of the coolest lines I’d ever heard was in the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. I randomly saw it one day and loved it. Michael Douglas has always been a bad ass. His character in this movie was teaching his nephew how to pick up girls. At one point he said, “No last names either kid. Heck, no first names if you can swing it.” I took that as a challenge.

Unfortunately, Sophia was ready to destroy my quest to be Michael Douglas. When she awoke, she called out for Green Eyes. “Lizzy! Lizzy wake up!”

The funny thing is, I met three Elizabeths in Providence that weekend. It seemed like everyone was named Liz. I found that interesting while simultaneously hating Sophia for the crime she had committed against me.

Everyone got dressed except for me. I remained dressed solely in my boxers. I hooked up with Lizzy as she was leaving. Matt was just talking to Sophia.

“So, we’ll catch you guys soon,” Matt said.

“Yea, I doubt that,” Sophia responded wisely albeit sarcastically.

I laughed at the back and forth. The girls then left. To my dismay, Matt didn’t go back to sleep. He turned on Sports Center and watched it for the next few hours. I was feeling sleep deprived and miserable. I passed out regardless.

Once I woke up we decided to get some food. We went back to Blakes as they were opening up. I ordered a steak and a beer while Matt got something else. The hot bartender had apparently worked the night before. She quickly brought me my beer and asked, “How did last night end for you?”

I told her, “As well as it did for the Jets.”