Two awkward college students discover BDSM (m/f) | 2016

I've started to write my story two ways. First, my personal true story is a free ebook on Amazon, listed under "Corrupting Emily" by Luke Antony. I won't post the link directly, since it's against the subreddit's rules, but I'd like to ask the readers here a few questions. If you do go through the trouble of searching for it (It was easy to find when I did), please give me your honest feedback. I'll respond to messages with the link, as well.

Do you prefer that stories be written in the manner that is in the ebook and like we usually see on the forum here, condensed and factual and with all the passion of the real narrator. Or, like the writing sample below, do you prefer it be based on truth but then fleshed out to be more like a novel. In the second version, things will be assumed or added to make for a more-interesting story.

Example of the second that I wrote before posting this. Forgive me, but it's not edited and may have a few minor errors:

Dwayne was half-asleep. It was only the first day of class and minutes after the professor finished assigning groups, but he was already ready for the semester to end. Inwardly he groaned at catching senioritis so early, with a solid four months left until he got his diploma and walked. Four full months of kissing professors’ asses in the hope their recommendations would help him get into graduate school or land a decent job in an economy that had yet to recover from the last two recessions.

He was half listening to his group drone on about the script and casting requirements for their first film project when she walked into the classroom late. Emily, the girl his buddy Luke had spent the end of the last semester obsessing over. From her hair—dyed black with bright pink highlights—to her outfit, a red dress with sheer black stockings and stilettos that added several inches to her height, she was every bit as quirky-cute as Luke had described her.

For nearly a week at breakfast, refueling himself with caffeine and sugar to make up for a chain of sleepless nights, Luke would brag about how kinky she was. His week-long obsession with the girl was past the point of annoyance when suddenly he stopped discussing her entirely. It was several days before he would admit that they had started fighting. At the time Dwayne had been annoyed, but looking at her now he could understand.

Class rosters could be viewed online several weeks before the semester began, and Dwayne was surprised when he was going through the list and recognized her name. In the photo she had been wearing glasses framed by plain brown hair. It was the typical, unflattering mugshot of someone who had just arrived in town, who was still unaffected by the local hipster-hippy-yuppie culture that glorified weird for weird’s sake. Her present hair and outfit proved she had become one of the “locals” that forced the real, redneck locals back to the farms and woods where their conservative, Republican ideals belonged.

The difference with Emily was that she actually pulled the look off. At a campus whose female population mostly consisted of overweight, short-haired feminists and dykes, the sight of a still-feminine girl, more goth than wannabe-edgy punk, was refreshing. He shared Luke’s puzzlement over how she had remained single.

Dwayne had lost all track of his group’s discussion, watching entranced as Emily stood in the door and scanned the room, looking for an empty seat and failing to find one. He cursed himself for not having the forethought to clear one next to him.

Instead, he watched her walk to the back of the room, drop her book bag onto a wall-to-wall shelf used for book and equipment storage and after clearing a spot for herself, sit cross-legged on it. The professor stopped pacing the room and glared towards the back of the room, but opted to for the moment say nothing. Dwayne was ready for a one-on-one confrontation as the man slowly made his way towards the back of the room and Emily.

“Dr. Rubin?” Dwayne asked, raising his hand to draw the professor’s attention away from her.

It worked. The professor looked in his direction, nodded and started heading over. He would wait until Rubin was within hearing distance of his normal tone before resuming. It gave him time to bullshit a question.

“Listening to the discussion, it seems one of the major concerns is that we’re going to have trouble casting for these films,” Dwayne said. “Would you mind if we were to act in them ourselves?”

Dwayne noted that his group became silent and no one voiced dissent or seemed confused. The question was appropriate. He may have missed several minutes of the discussion, but it seemed that like most group projects, no progress was being made and the topic hadn’t progressed past where it started.

“I would prefer if you find someone from outside the group and class,” Dr. Rubin said, “but I understand if you have trouble. You might want to check with any friends or professors in the drama department. Just make sure that you have them sign film releases. If all else fails, then you can consider acting.”

“Thanks,” Dwayne said. “By the way, I just noticed that girl walked in and doesn’t have a group. We’re one of the smaller groups, so maybe she could work with us?”

Dwayne hated to return the professor’s focus to her tardiness, but confronting it was inevitable and at least this way Rubin couldn’t jump her with it in the middle of another topic.