Straight guy that desired gay sex, but only when high. | 2016

Let me give you some background information about a several year period of time during my college years. I was a “straight” good looking college guy, knee deep in the party/drug scene. I regularly had very hot girlfriends that I could have sex with. I wasn’t attracted to men then, (and still am not) but whenever I got high on coke, I had an overwhelming desire to watch gay porn and have gay sex. I call myself straight, because I’ve never been attracted to men. I have also never had gay sex when sober, but only when my inhibitions are lowered and my personality is temporarily changed from drugs.

I had developed a predictable sequence of events that I had gotten into the habit of repeating. I would smoke weed throughout each day. Once I started drinking for the night, it usually wasn’t too long before I decided it was time to get into the coke. Once I started doing coke, I would become extremely horny, and would start the long process of watching porn and/or searching for gay sex so that I could ultimately get off. Sometimes it worked out that I would have my current girlfriend, another female, or a (female) booty call that I would have sex with, but usually I ended up looking for gay sex because it took a lot less effort.

This is the true story of one night that followed that normal sequence of events once I started drinking: My roommates and I had gone to a bar downtown earlier to shoot some pool and get our drink on, but were back at home continuing the party now. It was 1:30 AM, and we had some friends over at the house to drink, smoke weed, do coke, and play foosball. It wasn’t abnormal for me to leave at this time of night to make a delivery, so I just told them I had a delivery to make. I was drunk, coked up, and extremely horny. I had been watching gay porn on my computer for a while, but it just wasn’t cutting it tonight. I was also on Yahoo! Chat trying to find a gay/bi guy that was close that I could hook up with, but hadn’t found anything promising yet. I decided it was time to get in the car and travel to Waterloo to the adult bookstore to what I knew would be a sure thing. I went to my bedroom and changed from my boxers into my G string that had a leather pouch on the front, which I had cut a hole in to make it easier to get at my cock and balls. I liked to wear this when I was coked up and horny, because it made me feel sexy. I chopped up, laid out, and snorted a couple more huge rails of coke; preparing for my drive to the porn shop, which meant I wouldn’t get to do anymore for at least another 20-30 minutes. I finished the rest of my drink (vodka and kool-aid), grabbed my “poppers,” weed, and coke, and walked out the door to my car. By the time I started driving up the street, the coke that I just did started to hit me, and I was flying pretty high. My jaw was clenched, and I was zoned out on getting to the porn store without being pulled over by the cops.

About 20 minutes later, I pulled up to the porn shop. The parking lot was fairly full, as was to be expected for a Saturday night. I pulled my bag of coke out and took a nice snort out of the powder that was gathered in the corner. I put it in the glove compartment with my weed, put the poppers in my pocket, and walked into the store. When I walked in, there were several men walking around pretending to look at merchandise, but really trying to get a look at the people walking through the door. I showed the guy at the counter my ID, and then walked back to the DVD area to check out the selection. I always do this, pretending that I’m there to buy straight DVDs, while I work up the courage to start checking out the gay stuff. After a few minutes, I made my way over to the wall with the gay videos on it and started looking at them. There was a middle-aged man that was also looking at the gay videos that was checking me out, and I looked back at him. He nodded his head toward the video arcade area, and then started to walk away. That was his cue for me to follow him into the video arcade area; that he wanted to mess around. I went back up to the front desk and purchased a prepaid card to use in the video arcade area. He had walked through the curtain, back to the arcade. I walked back there, and found him waiting in the hallway once I got through the curtain. I walked past him, went to one of the booths towards the back, and shut the door behind me. I hadn’t come to grips with my desire to have gay sex yet, so I didn’t like to look at guys while we were having sex. I liked the anonymity of having a wall with a glory hole between us. I put my card in the reader, and turned the TV to a gay video where a black guy with a huge dick was fucking a white guy. I pulled my pants down, and sat down on the chair, starting to jerk my cock. I had worn my leather thong, which had the crotch cut out so that I could easily stroke my cock. I heard the door to the next booth open and close, and then saw the familiar finger coming through the “glory hole”, signifying that he wanted to suck my cock. I stood up and put my cock through the hole. I felt a warm mouth envelop my cock, sucking it in like a pro. I always felt super horny when doing coke, but it seriously impeded my ability to get and maintain an erection. This guy was pretty good at sucking cock, so he was able to get my cock hard, and was taking it balls deep like a pro. He reached through the hole, under my balls and started pushing his finger towards my asshole. I started instinctively bucking my ass towards his finger, wanting to have it in my ass. He pulled back off my cock, and whispered through the hole for me to turn around, that he wanted to eat my ass. I willingly obliged, pulling the string on my thong to the side and backing my ass up against the wall. He started fingering my asshole, and then began licking it. After doing that for a couple of minutes, he stopped. I whimpered, not wanting him to stop. He must have heard me, because shortly after, I felt something bigger and harder pushing at my back door. I was so driven by drugs and lust at this time that I pushed my ass back as far as I could against the wall, wanting his cock in my ass. He pushed his cock into my tight ass, and slowly started pumping away at it. It felt good, but it was odd because there was a wall between us. I had also only been fucked a couple times before, so it hurt a little bit. I took the poppers out and took a few sniffs, which relaxed both me and my ass muscles. After him pumping me through the glory hole for several minutes, he knocked on the wall and asked if he could come in my booth with me. I said yes, and unlocked my door. He opened the door and came in. The booth was small, so it was a pretty tight squeeze for the 2 of us to be in there. I stood up, and he sat down on the chair. He started rubbing my chest and stomach, and said that I was very sexy; then he took my cock in his mouth, sucking it until it was hard again, while stroking his own hard cock. I pulled back and turned around, ready to have his cock in my ass. I grabbed his cock with one hand and put the other on the wall, so I could keep my balance while I lowered myself onto his cock. I stopped for a minute to sniff the poppers again so it’d be easier to take his cock. Once it pushed past the outer ring, it felt so good! I slowly lowered myself all the way down until I was sitting on his lap with his cock all the way up my ass. He told me that my ass was tight, and that I felt so good. He then reached around and started stroking my cock. I slowly started moving up and down on his cock, taking it slowly. It was very cramped in the booth, and hard to really get into it. He asked if I wanted to go to a larger booth where we had more room to move around. I was ashamed of what I was doing, but I agreed anyway. He opened the door, and there was a guy out in the hall looking at me hungrily. He tried to come into the booth after the other guy left, but I said no and followed the first guy into one of the larger booths. The guy held the door open for me, and I went over to a large bench to sit down. He closed the door, but didn’t lock it. He used his card, and got some gay porn going on the screen. He took his pants all the way off this time, and told me to do the same. I complied with his request, and then he pushed me down to my knees. He walked up to me with his cock in his hand, and guided it towards my mouth. I didn’t normally do this, but I was so horny that I just went with it. I took his cock in my mouth, and started to bob up and down on it, taking more as I could. I used my tongue to lick around the head, and it was a strange feeling. I sucked on his cock for a while longer until it was rock hard. He then pulled back from me and walked around behind me. I felt his wet tongue probing at my asshole again, and then I felt his hard cock pressing against it. He pushed right through this time, and started pumping at my ass. I was on all fours, and he was holding onto my hips, pumping into my ass. I looked up, and the guy that was outside the door when I opened the last booth was coming inside. I started to protest, but I was in the middle of getting my ass fucked, and couldn’t say much. He shut the door and locked it, and then started unbuckling his pants. He pulled his cock out and started stroking it, then walked over to me with it pointed at my mouth. Overtaken by lust, I just opened my mouth and started sucking it. I had previously been fucked a couple of times before, but I now had one cock in my ass, and one in my mouth, and I was loving it. The guy that was fucking my ass started moaning and going faster, and then I felt a hot liquid splash inside me. He pumped a few more times, and then pulled his cock out, leaving me feeling empty. I felt his hot cum dripping down my leg and then heard it “splat” as it hit the floor. He pulled up his pants, buckled them, and then walked out of the room. The guy that had his cock in my mouth pulled back and said “Can I have a turn next?” I moaned “Mmm-hmm” in response, afraid of hearing myself tell him “yes”. He walked around behind me and pushed his cock inside me, using the last guy’s cum as lube. He started long stroking me and moaning, saying that my tight ass felt great! He must have already been pretty close from the combination of watching me get fucked and sucking his cock, because it only took a couple minutes until I felt a hot splash of liquid inside me again. He pumped a few more times in my ass, milking every last drop of cum from his cock. He pulled out, and I felt cum dripping down my legs again. He pulled a few paper towels out of his pants and wiped off his cock, then handed some to me so I could clean the cum off me. He pulled his pants up, buckled them, and walked out of the booth.

Now that they were gone, it was just me in my leather G string, on my knees in a booth at a video arcade at a porn shop with cum running down my legs, inside my ass and all over the floor. I have the taste of cock on my breath. The feeling of shame for what I’ve done starts to creep in again now that the lust is wearing off from gay threesome that I was just involved in. I took the paper towels the guy had left me and wiped the cum off me as best as I could. I pulled my pants up, put my shirt and coat on, and walked out the door. When I walked out of the curtain covering the entrance to the arcade, I could feel the people staring at me, and I just knew that they knew I had just been used by the 2 guys that just walked out of here. My face went crimson red, and I was ashamed to be doing the “walk of shame” after having been used by 2 men for their sexual pleasure. I went out to my car and pulled out the bag of coke from my glove compartment, and sniffed a large amount of coke from the corner. It helped to relieve me from the shame I was feeling. I did one more large bump of coke, then put the car in drive to drive back to my apartment.

There were many nights similar to this in my early 20s. This was a regular pattern of behavior for me. The story is pretty hot, and it makes me excited to replay it in my mind, but it also reminds me of all the guilt and shame that came with doing what I didn’t want to do, because drugs, alcohol, and my fleshly desires drove me to. When I was 24, after some trouble with the law, I found out through treatment that I was an alcoholic and drug addict, and got sober through a loving God and the program of AA. I'm not 31, and haven’t had any gay encounters in sobriety, but I still enjoy watching gay porn and fantasizing about it. I’m married with children now, and firmly believe that I am straight. I didn’t ever have any gay encounters before I got involved with drugs and alcohol, and I haven’t had any gay encounters since I got sober. Of course I could be wrong, but now that I’m sober and living a spiritual life, I’m not willing to risk my wife and family to fulfill a fantasy.

I’ve searched for stories on the internet that are similar to mine, and have only found one so far. He also acted much differently under the influence of drugs, having gay sex, which he wouldn’t normally have done. Like me, he was full of questions as to his sexuality after this encounter, and why he became such a sexual deviant for cock when he was high; when he wasn’t attracted to men at all. Please know that I’m not putting down gay people, or people that have gay sex. Being a “straight” guy, having gay sex seriously messed with my mind for many years, and still does sometimes to this day. I take full responsibility for my actions, and am not trying to justify them by saying that “the drugs made me do it.” I’m just hoping that somebody out there struggling with something similar to what I’ve been through may get some peace in knowing that they’re not the only one to have or act out on their gay sexual fantasies while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

The moral of the story is, in the words of Mr. Garrison from South Park, ”Drugs are bad…Mmkay.”