[FM] The Sunday Funday Shit Show | 2016

So after a few months of getting to know the right people, I’ve made my way into the circle of glamorous “Lean Inners” at work. They’re all a bit older than me (late-twenties, early-thirties), beautiful, put-together, and serious career-women. Yes, I wanted their friendship. Yes, I wanted their advice. But most of all, I wanted to be invited to their weekly brunches. Holy shit, do these women brunch HARD. The food looks heavenly, the cocktails look bomb, and dear god do they have some good-looking friends.

After a few brunches, the dynamic became pretty clear: my new lady-friends were kind of prudish and the boys were all friend-zoned and thirsty as fuck. I quickly established myself as The Fun One: always ordering another round and sending everyone home a bit less put-together than when they arrived. The boys were flirty, but no one made any moves until a few weeks ago.

It was the first warm weekend this spring, so instead of going out for brunch, we went to Jack’s house to enjoy his wonderful patio. Everyone brought food and enough booze to drown a country club. All the usual players were there, but everyone was a bit looser with the liquor since we weren’t in public. By 1pm, everyone was pretty drunk on their way to smashed. A bunch of other people started to show up and by 3pm, it was a full-on Sunday Funday shit show.

While the girls mingled with the newcomers, I kept some of the boys entertained. They had me cornered in the kitchen, and the conversation steered towards the raunchy. I wanted to know why none of them had hooked up with the other girls. They wanted to know, since I’m the fun friend, just how much fun I could be.

I excused myself finally to use the bathroom upstairs (nice bathroom for a single dude, btw). When I finished, I opened the door and there stood one of the boys, David. He pushed me back in, locked the door and we locked lips.

David isn’t the best looking of the group (still, he’s definitely pretty good looking), but he is the most charming — and a bit of an asshole (which is probably why we was willing to raw-dog a girl in his friend’s bathroom at 4:30 in the afternoon).

We were shoving our tongues down each others’ throats as he gripped my ass under my sundress; me, reaching to rub his growing bulge. He pulled away and gripped a tit in one hand.

“Mmm… you ARE a dirty girl… You want this?”

I just bit my lip, raised an eyebrow and kept rubbing.

He hoisted me onto the counter, reaching up my dress to rip my panties off. He fingered me a bit before he unbuckled his belt and undid his shorts, flopping out a rock hard 6 inches — uncut, veiny and throbbing. Without a word, he slipped right in… slowly at first, but more quickly as he found his grip in my hair and on my hips. My legs wrapped around him as he picked up speed, grunting. I gasped and giggled with pleasure — dude has rhythm :p

He was so good I really wanted to ask him how many times he’s had sex in a bathroom but his death grip in my curls kept my mouth glued to his.

His thrusts began to slow.

“God fuck I’m gonna cum.” He didn’t look me in the eyes, but he gripped me tighter.

“Pull out and cum down my throat…”

NOW he looked me in the eyes. And grinned. He took a few more strokes, savoring them, and pulled out. I hopped off the counter and got on my knees, taking him into my mouth. Again, his fingers wound up in my hair, forcing himself in and out of my mouth. I played with his shaft and balls, but not for long as he let out a long, quiet groan and filled me with semen.

“Swallow for me, baby.”

I did. We cleaned up a bit and went back downstairs, me a little wobblier now in my heels. The rest of the boys were still in the kitchen, and looked at me as if they were none-the-wiser. I went outside for some fresh air and fresh company, but I could see the grins and shoulder slaps shared by David and the rest inside. What’s a girl to do but hope I get a glowing review that leads to more dick traffic?

On the patio, my girlfriends were starting to look sloppy and I allowed myself a little pride that, even though I was a drunk bitch who just got some tremendous dick in the bathroom, I was the most put together lady at the table. One dude gave me his jacket as the sun went down. I gave him my number.

David ghosted, but texted me later saying we should definitely “hangout” again. Having proof of how “fun” i was, the other guys got a bit more brazen — grabbing my ass and generally being extremely suggestive.

I can’t say I didn’t encourage this behavior.

Ultimately, despite my better judgement, I didn’t fuck anyone else from the Brunch Crew that night. I could pass off one hookup as a lapse of judgement, but fucking every guy might get me banished — and I need brunch. I turned down the handful of offers to “take me home” in favor of an uber. That I may have fallen asleep in.

And yes, Monday sucked tremendously.