Desire | 2016

Before I met the love of my life, I have never been able to orgasm. Not even on my own. I was always an extremely sexually driven child and felt a lot of shame for it (which you should not!) and began stealing and washing my mom's vibrators. During the period of time in my life that my intense sexual desires were at its peak (15 y/o) it was the summer and I was always alone by myself all day from 7 am to 9 pm and I could touch and play with myself all day. I loved it. But I never had an orgasm! I would use one of my mom's smaller dildos, (which was smaller than a hair brush handle) play with it a little bit, then leave it in and take one of her vibrating wands and holding it on my clitoris. It would feel AMAZING!...but to no avail, I would never orgasm! I did it all the time and even started using my hands more or using the shower head. I can't remember how I discovered the showerhead but I loved it so much I'd do it every time I'm in the shower. I'd turn it in the hardest, roughest setting and I'd sit down and have the shower head a little bit away and I'd finger myself fast and hard with the stream of the water on my clitoris. Those were the only times I could come close to coming so I'd stay in there all day! Lol I'd set a timer for when my parents would be getting home soon...But I seriously loved having sex with myself! BUUTTTTT, no orgasm.

Now... Let me tell you about the love of my life. Straight to the point... He has a huge fucking cock, ok? It's huge. The first time we had sex, I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I was very, very self lubricated from the intense oral pleasure he had given me just before (I almost came but he stopped before I did. Rude ass...) so it wasn't that I wasnt wet or properly lubricated, just that he was very large for me to accommodate. Now, we did have a large age gap which my parents were very strictly against but we loved each other very much and hid our forbidden relationship, I was young and he was still youngish but BIG age gap. Like 14 years age gap. I was 17 and a virgin and had touched and fingered myself so much I thought I was going to fit him just fine. WRONG! He was so very gentle as well. It pained him to see me in pain but once I got used to it and his desire to fuck me ruthlessly took over his senses after making sure I was feeling good, we began picking up speed... Now from this point, I was coming undone underneath this man that I loved, that I was finally given myself to, that I've created such a bond and connection with. (and to this day, I still believe that is why I can orgasm) He never went faster than a thrust...thrust... thrust. It wasn't a thrust thrust thrust thing the first few times. Although I could visibly see his muscles straining ridiculously... He wanted to go faster so bad that he began to shake! His eyes were so filled with a lust and caring want that it drove us both crazy because we knew we had to keep it slow for now. I wasn't accommodating him painlessly yet... My husband is very large man... Very tall, a lot of muscle on him and it makes him weigh a TON! Lol (I'm always messing around with him about being a giant. He seriously is very large lol but it's hot as fuck) Now most hispanic people are smaller from traits, though I'm not saying the'yre all small!!!! But I, having a hispanic family, have a small family. Including myself. I am a very small girl, big boobs and a big ass thanks to my genetics. God bless. So when my husband and I were first having sex, he was intensely worried about hurting me. Especially being on top of me because I couldn't ride him yet. (Which is literally the best orgasms ever)

Now jumping forward maybe a month later after we we. started having sex...

IT WAS TIME!!

I wanted it. I wanted it so bad I could think about him and I was wet. My body would tingle with need and deep lust and I did everything and ANYTHING to see him. My body wanted to be near him all the time, I became territorial, possessive, very jealous and clingy. (He said it was cute because I was like a little monster.) And being a very "in charge" man, he often had to call me out on my shit and put me in my place and tell me I had nothing to worry about. Still, I was around him a lot and I always wanted to do SOMETHING. But then.... He started denying me! Told me that he couldn't hurt me, that we have to stay slow for longer. I was SO ANGRY! I was yelling at him! The very first time I dare raise my voice at him...it's because he won't fuck me like he hates me?!? I look back on that day and laugh lol but I was serious back then. And what did he do??? He sat there, listening to me yelling at him. Pacing back and forth, cursing him, stomping my feet like an ignorant child. That night, he didn't get after me for yelling at him. He wasn't upset in any way. I stayed at his house and he held me while we watched movies, ate dinner, talked a little more about why he won't do what I want... But most of all he just held me and after awhile I felt that the touch alone was enough for me...for now.

Fast forward a month later and I was still yelling at him. It was beginning to drive him crazy. It stressed him out how much he had to hold back from me. He wanted it just as bad as I did, but he was afraid of hurting me. It was Christmas Eve and my mother and her boyfriend (my parents divorced when I was younger) went to my aunt's house to decorate cookies with my younger cousins. So I went to "a friend's" which was my love's house. (My husband was very well off, very successful so he was a stable man for me while I had absolutely nothing. I'm thankful for his help and commitment to me everyday) I walked in, upset about the same thing, ready for a fight and that's when I started laying in on him again. He turned off the TV, and listened to me again... This time it was different. He'd give me what I want or I was gone. ( I was such a brat, guys... Lol he was giving me my gift which was an amazing beautiful bracelet I still wear every day.) I was yelling and yelling and yelling and something slipped...

"Maybe you should find a woman you can fuck without guilt and I should find a man who can fuck me without guilt either, you big jerk head!"

...BIG mistake... I am my husband's... I will be my husband's until the day I die. I am his.

This enraged him. He jumped up from the couch, took a step towards me and asked in the lowest, almost not audible voice, guys....

"What did you just say?"

Well fuck, merry Christmas to me... He was pissed and was gonna break up with me... Yeah no...

My husband, the love of my life, the man who has had me so close to orgasm, was fuming mad.. I was his. And I knew that. Though he would never force me to be with him, he would never let me leave him in any way but one... If I didn't love him anymore. Which would and has never happened..

I didn't say anything... I didn't even meet his eyes.. I couldn't. I was ashamed of what I said.

He was in front of me quickly, my chin was in his hand and turned up towards him, my eyes averted down until he told me to look at him. And when I did... He told me one thing that I will always remember and that I will never forget... Not even for a second will I fail to remember this.

I am his.

In seconds I was naked, in seconds I was pressed against the wall, ornament from the tree not far from his shook and fell to the soft, velvet red rug underneath. He was thrusting inside me deep and hard. I begged for him to go faster, to fill me over and over again and he did. Without mercy. I was shattering around him over and over again. Orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.. In any position he could get me. Kissing me lustfully and passionately. I was screaming orgasms out. I was coming for 2 minutes at a time and he never stopped. I was squirting... I was moaning incredulously loud. He was groaning deep in his chest, telling me how tight I feel, how warm I feel, how good I feel and I came again listening to him talk to me with his deep, melodically perfect voice. I was squirting again... Telling me I was his. I was coming again. Telling me to say his name. I was shattering on him. Squirming.... Screaming his name. Squirting and coming. Squirting and coming. Orgasms and orgasms and orgasms.

That night, that Christmas Eve, was the beginning of the sex life I've always wanted. He was the beginning of me.

I am his. I will always be his.

But as much as I am his...he is equally mine.

I love you so very much, my love. -yours