Love's consumation M/F Part 1, long | 2016

We'd been good friends ever since I was 18, her 19, and worked at the same retail store. Now, I was an awkward curly headed little shit in high school, but around this time, I had shot up to 6'2, and finally learned to buzz my hair.

Now, I talked to her once that first summer, as I had the self esteem of a chunky kid in middle school, the last day before I went to college. She seemed upset at work, and I finally talked to her, and gave her the proverbial shoulder to cry on. Talked most of the shift. We were kind of hesitant when leaving, but we hugged and left to go our separate ways.

The next summer, I worked at the same place, just because it was a part time summer job. Kind of hoped she would be too. Thankfully, she was. However, we rarely were on the same shift. Finally one time I came back from the bar drunk, looked her up on facebook, and say hello. Then we spent the next 3 hours talking. We hung out a few times, went out to bars, with her live in boyfriend. Nice guy, but a little too.. WASP'y, you know?

Over the next year we quickly became close friends. Now, she is gorgeous, I couldn't help but be infatuated, especially since we got so close, and my horrendously low self esteem, gave myself no chance to think about what she thought about me. Why on earth would she?

And so we became best friends, real closeness, the type where you can tell each other anything, no judgement, there were no lines for us. She said more than a few times she tells me the things she would never tell a bf. Too personal, too scared of judgement. And the same. It got to the point where the bf would feel like the third wheel whenever we hung out. I remember one time they were studying for an exam, and I said bullshit, you're going to watch the SuperBowl with me and some beers. So I head over, the guy feels awkward and goes play videogames in the other room. I mean shit.

Then, they break up, this was say, around 2011. I take her to my sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, and we get absolutely plastered. And we hook up. But as you can imagine when plastered, its like drunken fumbling around. Not a good showing. Not to mention, even though I was 21, I wouldn't have called myself terribly experienced or skillful. But we continue being friends as if nothing happened. To be fair, I was probably in love with her, but she had cried on my shoulder more than once about how she couldn't be friends with any guys, they always made a drunken move, or drunkenly confessed feelings. I was literally the only guy friend she had had for any length of time. I could not bear to be just another one of those guys to her. Not to mention, I had long accepted nothing happening between us, so once I accepted that, we were good.

Later that fall, she moves to a city across the state, and we still talk 3-5 times a week. I visit a few times as well. Then she meets a guy, and start dating. Come to NYE, 2012, I invite her to go with some friends and I to a bowl game. Long story short, we get hammered again, hook up again, same poor result, only she tells me she's engaged afterwards.

I am horrified and mortified. We go our separate ways, I don't speak to her for 6 months. I think I finally was getting over her. Only I visit my friend that lives in the same city, and say fuck it, and invite her out. Fiance travels a lot. It's just like old times. Stay up til the sunrise. She's acting flirty around me, less flirty, more like, likes me. Its 4 am, she keeps coming back out to ask when I'm going to bed, type of thing, as I sit and talk with my best friend.

Then I finally go in, and she wants to cuddle. I know this is a bad idea, and fight it off briefly, before succumbing. We spoon, and its time for me to go after an hour, my ride has to hit the road back. Before I leave, she says, keep this between us, and kisses me.

I leave and am like what the fuck. After talking like normal for a week, I confess that I love her. I'm sorry, I can't talk to you anymore, I don't talk to you for six months, and its all coming back, I can't do it. She cries, says, not you, don't you do this to me, you don't know how hard I am on boyfriends, you don't know, don't do this.

We talk in circles for an hour or two, before saying good bye for good. For two years, three months, that was it. I had a lot of shit happen to me in that time, that matured me. I finally came into my own, had a lot of sexual experiences, but more, I grew up, finally I think.

Out of the blue, I get a call the Friday of Labor day weekend. It’s her, she’s visiting in town, wants to see if I would get a drink. It’s been a long time, I feel over her and fine, and in fact recently got out of a bad relationship, so I said fuck it, let's go.

We meet at a bar, I'm early, and so she has to wait in line. I could help but dress up slightly, so I'm wearing a nice, tailored suit. I go out to see if she's in line, she is, I'll have to wait a bit. She sees me and looks at me weirdly, and I wave and tell her I'll see her inside.

Once she does, what do you know, it's just like old times. Albeit in a loud bar/club hybrid sort of place. But even having to shout the words sometimes, we just get along, have the same humor, chemistry, it's like we pressed unpause. We bar hop until they close, it gets a little blurry. Until we’re sitting on this grassy knoll off this plaza downtown. Just talking, making a bit of fools out of ourselves in regards to yelling at strangers, but no one would take the bait! We have fun with a couple of teenagers that are loitering nearby as well and grab pictures. She describes how handsome I look, and I feel a flush of pleasure. It had been nice when she said that in the past, but it felt different, like there was some sort of possessive desire in her voice. That part was new. And it made my heart beat faster. We were reluctant to go, but we parted ways promising to see each other the next day.

I felt great about it, I haven’t had that sort of connection with anyone since… well, her, and the recent ex paled in comparison. A level of companionship that even my best guy friends don’t quite have. There’s just an ease, a comfort… it’s easy as breathing, being around her.

The next day, we drive to a local state park, and hike up to a mountain lake. I’d been there before, but didn’t realize until we got there. After teasing her for not knowing there’s a closer parking lot that would have cut out fifteen minutes of hiking with relatively heavy loads, we have a picnic of sorts, just sitting by the side of this large dam. Food and beer, enjoying it all day. Just sat, ate and drank for hours and hours. It was idyllic. I thought I saw more glances, funny moments where things seemed charged. The kind of fun summer day that seems reserved for the untroubled times of your youth, before silly things like self-esteem and awkwardness ruin things.

That night she came over, and we go hang out at the neighborhood pool, just fooling around again. Drinking a little more. I manage to impress with some minor talent off the diving board, she showed off her hoop skills, asking me to take pictures. Thankfully it was Labor Day weekend, and so we were putting the extended weekend to good use. Late at night, we walk the warm summer night back home.

After, we go back to my house, and it’s probably around 2 in the morning. She takes a shower, and I sit on the toilet, talking to her as she does. She seemed surprised at my gentlemanly instincts not to peek. I just wanted to be around her. She gets out, I turn around, and get in. Giving her a little peek of my incredibly white, yet nice, ass at the same time.

I'd certainly started to feel flickers of feeling again. And at certain times during the day, the atmosphere felt different. Heavier. As I put on some regular clothes after my shower... she came up to me and asked, almost hesitantly, if I would brush her hair.

I never had before, or any woman's for that matter, but I was willing to learn. It shocked her, apparently no man ever would before. We lie down on the queen size bed, with my laptop on one side, us on the other. I started, and she quietly told me to brush the tips first, and then long strokes, that she liked the way it pulled her hair, so don't worry about being gentle. She took charge of it for a little while, as I didn’t want to pull too hard, but I needn’t have worried. I kept brushing after it was pretty clear her hair was straight, because it was intimate, and I wanted that with her. To comfort, to give her peace, and make her feel good. Especially the last part.

As this went on, the show ended, but neither of us made a move to pick the next. The house was dead silent, the lights relatively dim... and the atmosphere was back. It felt so heavy, thick, as if I was brushing her hair in slow motion. I felt so connected to her, so close; I had never felt like this before. I could feel a sort of feverish heat flowing through my body, which at the same time was making me tremble slightly.

I slowly set the brush down, and lightly drew my fingertips from her shoulder, and down her arm. So lightly, I could feel her shudder as the tingle when down her spine. I do this slowly, deliberately a few more times. I could feel the feverish heat mellow down into this slow, deep burn inside me, and yet every nerve on my body felt as if on a live wire. As if the touch of her skin shot electricity across my skin, and flames licking from under my skin.

Without thinking I slowly reach across her front, and drag my hand slowly down her neck, and across her collarbone. The noise she made unmanned me. Like a cross between a little mew and a sigh/moan. I could feel the blood rush in my body, as I did it again, to the same effect on the both of us.

I slowly reached for her shoulder, and pulled her onto back, and put my hand onto her neck, and pulled her to look at me. I could see her breathing shallow, fast. I realized I was as well. In an excruciatingly slow, deliberate fashion, I bent down to kiss her, moving on top of her. We both had this low, almost disbelieving moans into each other’s mouths as we passionately made out. My hands went up to either side of her face, gripping her head through her hair, feeling every inch of her body against mine. My hands wandered down her body, slowly, firmly feeling every curve, every inch of her. Gripping her ass, pulling down her legs, gripping the back of her knees... I wanted all of her. My lips made their way down her neck, and up to her ear, her moaning as I put my tongue inside her ear. She kissed my neck as I did this, unwilling to be parted with my body while I explored hers.

My hands could not stop moving, as if they had waited years for this moment, to touch her, caress her, make her feel what I wanted her to. I took her shirt off, slowly sucking, kissing, down her side. Grasping her breasts in both my hands, as if they were made to fit. Pinching her nipples slightly between two fingers as I slowly cupped and felt her.

This went on, and then I took our shirts off, and pants, leaving us in our underwear. I dragged her on top of me, her back to my front, so my hands could wander all over her, as I whispered in her ear, nuzzled her ears and neck, hearing her moaning as I laid slow, sucking kisses on her shoulder, her apparent weak spot. She keeps torturing me by wiggling around on my cock, that's hard as a rock. All this time, my hands are grasping her breasts, trailing down her torso, until finally, I put my left hand around and gasp her by the neck, and snake my other hand down into her panties.