My Sexventures through Sydney with puddles of crazy along the way. 2014 | 2016

This is a recollection of most of my encounters and views through 2014 in good ol' Sydney Australia.. Bleh. I'm new so bare with how I post here.

Ever since the breakup with an ex of mine (That was slowly fusing with the bed with her rapidly growing ass, along with her chocolate covered fingers) I have found myself in a string of odd happenings and encountered various 'interesting' individuals whom I had met/got to know just for the pleasures of casual sex and dating.

First off I thought I was on the high road- Being free from the confines of her marshmallow like body that smelled like bacon. Bad bacon... With how some relationships crumble, I was jumping for joy once all her belongings were gone, and already I had been searching for a source of comfort for this.

Not food, not a new videogame or even a drink up with the guys. Craigslist! Oh how that seedy place has gotten me some interesting responses. From middle aged Indian men sending me amateur porn videos of gigantic Africans slamming into them with a "Do u lik?" To the hideous monstrosities that I have seen on a pic sent that needed an emergency dose of 12gauge to the forehead.

However in just five days I had met a tall and very skinny woman to have my fun with and establish the mighty "BOOTY CALL" link. (Also, let's call her Morticia since she looked like the mother from The Addams family)

Not only that but the DAY AFTER THAT I had a beautiful, toned, tattooed, pale asian girl in my arms (praise the heavens) What was funny about this however is that when we were having our hip grinding make out session before the real fun began... I asked her what really drew her to me. Her response was pretty much "Revenge Fucking" And I was SO down for that. This Asian beauty was a once off sadly as previously discussed but it really did set the bar for me in certain areas...

And after those two days... My broken heart and hurt soul was mended... (Insert burst of laughter here)

---BUT THEN THIS HERE IS WHEN THINGS GET FUCKED UP FROM HERE ON---

After these two wonderful beauties you could imagine that as any man at the age of 24 at the time (25 now) I was on cloud 9- No, fuck that expression. I was the happiest man on earth and to what my friend described: "Felt like I had the biggest dick in the world right now" However from here... the drought came. Yes the sudden drought of no interest, no women in the social circles, no responses to ads I posted here and there. Nothing, nada, kaput.

I was thinking to myself "huh, where did everybody go?" As well as picturing a gigantic holy figure looking at me with a snobbish expression saying "That's all you get, now fuck off, you're on your own." Fucking asshole... And then the anxiety came, the self doubt that churned my insides and had those mentally boiling thoughts along the lines of 'Boohoo!!! who shall I snuggle up to now and bruise their hips while The walking dead is on TV?' A low point in my life I must admit.

...Very low...

So as the adjustments and life continued on it's way, with my loins in a knot and heart in ache for the one moment a gorgeous woman's eyes meet mine in a heat of passion... wanting me, inhaling their scent and melting at th- I should not get distracted! Anyway, one day I get a response from an OLD post on Craigslist I forgot I had. This was a post in the dating and romance section, so... I was iffy at first about all this. However what I read stunned me: Asian, physically active in sports, gaming, anime/manga, TV shows, loves to cook... and a Nurse?! NEAR ME!? You best be fucking joking if I wasn't going to take that.

One number exchange later and we hit it off through text messages, to finally meeting in person and my goodness was she beautiful... Let's call her MISTY. Misty took my breath away when I heard her cute voice, big ol' glasses on her head- AND AN ASS WITHIN TIGHTS THAT COULD SHATTER OLYMPUS!!!! - ahem, the date was very nice and we clicked... You know? That one sort of person you meet and you can just keep talking and talking, not a single awkward moment and have those cheek hurting moments in between from so much laughter. From this date I had high hopes from what the future would behold between us. But then I remembered...

I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes.

The same night I saw Misty, I had received a text message from an old friend of mine who lived nearby whom I thought would never play with me again due to a busy life... Let's call her Hoover. Now the relationship between Hoover and I followers one straight line, Hoover liked to drink cum, and I always had a lot of it and preferred my company. Best setup.

On the same day I had this beautiful, promising date with Misty, who could potentially be my future partner to have and to hold and grow old with. DURING THIS DATE, I was saying to Hoover via text message "I have the biggest load you need to drink right now" RESPONSE WAS "Thank god :)" So I already knew I was going to go to hell when I died, so I'm going to get my dick sucked at least!

One incredible date, 3 loads of cum into an eager little blonde asian's mouth later and my life felt like it was heading back into the right direction.

No it was not.

One sad day I received a long text message from Misty, saying out of nowhere that she was not over her ex and needed time to herself to love herself or some bull crap women say to tell you in a polite way, "I'm not into you" It was disappointing, but it was one date so I shrugged it off with a sigh of "Oh well" and proceeded through my life with the positives in mind of "There are good women like this in Sydney that's worth getting involved with"

One week later I receive the following text message from Misty, "Hey BlueMagicXY, I just wanted to give you an update... I've been diagnosed with Chronic depression"

... What the fuck. What in fuck it's like she sent me the text message in the ominous and worrying way one would say, "I have herpes, you should get checked"

OH NO NOW I'M GOING TO GET IT TOO. Fucking hell... So I message her back the ol "Oh, I'm so sorry, I hope you're getting help for it, I know counselling has helped me in the past" First of all, I think counselling is a beautiful thing when it's an actual empathetic and caring individual who has had their life experiences who has their passion for helping others in their emotional distresses.

However my counselling sessions through my life have been with a Russian sounding old woman who smokes like a chimney surrounded by artifacts of gods and witch deities telling me to man the fuck up and go out there, fuck women, get my degree and get money and fun times along the way. That is my counselor.

Regardless of my view of mental health (Snort) I received no response from Misty after that. At which I was already thinking that some silly mind game was at the works here... And I was not partaking in any sort of it, so I left it at that. Because I believe she ran back to her ex, fucked up, tried to string me into the emotional trap to 'save' her but got severely embarrassed.

To Misty, I say this and a big part of me wishes you do read this as well: "You're a stupid cunt, But I'd still date you, but be warned... our first night together I'm going to make it my mission in life to fuck you so hard, you'll put any hentai moaning to shame in terms of frequency and pitch."

Now. That was the Misty situation, and if you've read this far you would of noticed a few things. 1. I do seem like an asshole a bit. 2. My grammar is decent but rocky. 3. That I must be pretty fun to hang out with.

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Among my friends I WAS known as the 'voice of reason' until I gave that job to a friend of mine who we call 'Time machine' But that's a different story.

I was once known as the voice of reason because of my very caring demeanor that I posses. Because even though I can be a lusty individual who can involve himself in rather reckless or questionable situations in life, I do all this because I am not afraid, but I understand pain.

You see I was once stabbed by a woman I loved because I threatened to leave her... It was an abusive relationship and I took a stand and was in the process of taking my life back until that happened. At the same time, my friends had abandoned me and I was left but nothing but my family and knowledge of the experience... plus PTSD and an unhealthy addiction to COD back then to help me escape the world. But now I'm here and am filled with Joy when I help people and friends...

And do my best not to fuck their sisters on their bed when they're at work. But hey I can't be that fucking awesome now can I? (Spoiler: yes I did fuck a friend's sister fiercely for about 2 years off and on and he never knew)

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you could be out with someone, a fuck buddy, date, girl/boyfriend and have your night completely RUINED after you say goodbye because you're left alone in your room saying to yourself. "I didn't get THE SEX." Yes, THE SEX. I call it Not getting the sex. Because it is INFURIATING.

What makes it worse is when THE SEX is implied before or during said encounter. What makes it worse is when your sudden outdoor in the middle of the night hot sex is ruined by an emotional roller coaster and suddenly becoming Dr.Phil.

One lonely night I get a call from Morticia (Remember her?) And guess what she wants some outdoor fucking fun HURRAH! SO of course I'm jumping on this and clear my non existent schedule to be picked up by my eager, gothic, pale, long black haired friend. We drive off to a secluded area to have our joyous time... things get hot and heavy and damn do I need this good time after a shitty week.

A WILD MOBILE PHONE RINGS.

Our cuddle up session in her car is interrupted by- you guessed it- her ex boyfriend messaging her. Now... with a scenario like this, you'd be fucking me, to get over how your boyfriend fucked you over. Right? So instead of her just flicking the phone away... She starts bawling her eyes out. Oh god, oh god OH GOD.

I deactivate the lusty side of myself to comfort her, talk to her, share experiences and hear her broken heart and reasons for why she was so distraught about it. Now I believe it was all fucking stupid. Now before you think I'm a real asshole, here's why: -Not an abusive relationship -They never did anything spectacular together, i.e: Travel, talk about marriage. - NEVER SAID 'I LOVE YOU' TO EACH OTHER.

All of this emotion was because she felt that this apparent... weedy, less than average looking quiet guy with a snobbish attitude, she describes (I wish I was lying, but she said all this) Was the only guy ever in her life she actually loved.

Back the fuck up. She was getting distraught over this FOR THREE HOURS. Do you know how much you could do in three hours!? In the end I get big thank yous, kisses and hugs and a lift home, because I put down my selfish needs and told her that she needed time to recover, find herself and love herself before moving on, instead of fucking me when she gets lonely.

I sacrificed SNOO SNOO For someone I didn't even know too well with AN AMAZING figure WHO WANTED TO JUST FUCK ME IN A FREQUENT MANNER. Because I have a heart and I care.

And as I walked to my front door that night, I turned and looked to the sky... I could see a ray of light seeing that the pearly gates were open for me... I then flipped off St.Peter, spat in the garden and proceeded to masturbate furiously through the night while cursing every so often. That's how real men deal with problems like this, and you're a fucking liar if you don't.

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Now there's more I could share, being past experiences before this year, and everything that happened after Morticia... Like almost getting raped by a giant fat bald drunk woman in Newcastle or my dirty flirty times with a bartender... Or the time I was recorded by a Brony neckbeard at a random drunken orgy that I had reluctantly involved myself in.

But I guess... that's for another time. I feel better writing this down for the first time in my life. :) smileh fayse