Mmhmm. Shut up. (MF) Part 1 | 2016

I'm going to straight up apologize for all the backstory. There's a fair amount, but I needed it to paint the right picture.

For years my wife and I had a pretty vanilla sex life. It was ironic, because prior to me she had some serious hardcore adventures: threesomes, sex parties, lots of dicks sucked and pussy's eaten out. I've always had a creative imagination when it's came to sex, but after hearing some of her stories I realized that for the first time in my life there was someone kinkier than me. It was awesome, yet somewhat terrifying.

When she and I finally got married, all those urges of hers just vanished. We were in a loving, committed relationship. something she hadn't had before. Now, all she wanted was reassuring, missionary-position-style, loving sex. I believe the technical term was, 'making love'.

It's not like we never ever visited freak-town. I gave her the occasional facial, we had anal a few times, even water sports once or twice. But count that against years of vanilla and they were drops in very large bucket.

Somewhat recently, she and I have been markedly ramping up our sex life. Its been gradual, but we've been opening up to each other in ways that have been immensely gratifying. However, things got a little weird between us about a week ago.

In passing, she brought up things that she and an ex-lover used to do. This particular guy is the only person in her past that I've felt any serious jealousy towards. He's the one who took her to a sex party, had mechanical devices to assist in fucking, and most notoriously, the first time they met he practically raped her and she was fine with it. It's hard to live in that kind of a shadow, no matter how big of an asshole he turned out to be.

I don't even remember what it was specifically that she brought up, but somehow the conversation turned to something startling to me: throughout our entire marriage she had been suppressing her very hardcore desires. Fire cupping, cutting, chastity belts, electrocution, biting… all just the tip of the iceberg. I was shocked, curious, then once again, terrified.

For the next week I felt like I had been gutted. For six years she had been suppressing her desires because I wasn't kinky enough. ME. I introduced my ex to anal, watersports, pegging, gagging, nipple clamps, internal pissing… the list goes on. And yet somehow I was too tame for my wife. It was a giant blow to my ego, my masculinity, and my sexual identity.

I've always had a credo, a personal standard concerning sex: You should do whatever you can to make your significant other happy. But when your significant other wants to cut open your back and put a fire cup on it to suck the blood out of you… well shit. How the fuck do I get from where I am, a wussy pain-hater, to a sack of meat for her to play with?

Things finally came to a head just the other night. We hadn't had any kind of intimate contact for at least two weeks and quite frankly, she couldn't stand it any longer. She confronted me about it. We fought a little, nothing serious, mostly she just expressed how frustrated she was. I really didn't respond in any significant way. Mostly I just tried to walk past her, to try and stop talking about it. I still hadn't figured out anything that was going on in my head.

We didn't talk about it at all until later that evening, but it ended up to be quite the conversation. I was kneeling at the edge of our bed with my elbows resting on it, fiddling around with my tablet when she walked out of the bathroom and over to me.

"Oh my. I can certainly think of some things you could be doing in that position," she said.

I never looked up, I just continued moving icons around on my tablet. "Really? I can't think of anything."

"Like this for example," and she took my hand and placed it on her very recently shaved pussy and started to stroke it.

I turned towards her, still with my eyes mostly looking at the tablet, "What do you mean?"

"I mean you could be stroking my pussy."

"Oh." I took my hand away and went back to what I was doing. I really had no idea what to do. All I knew was that anything I did, that I wanted to do, wouldn't be good enough for her. No matter how much she reassured me that whatever we did was fine, I knew that was a nice lie. Maybe not even an intentional one, she probably really did believe that she could go on for another 6 years without indulging in any of her sexual desires, but if it were me, I'd go crazy.

At that point, we moved to our respective corners of the room and left each other alone. The tension was pretty thick to say the least. It wasn't until I finally laid down for bed that she made another move. She went to her dresser, grabbed something then rushed off to the bathroom. Minutes later she reemerged in a slutty black teddy, all lace and see-through. She walked over to me and swung something from her index finger… a thong. She turned slightly so I could see her bare ass just poking out from the bottom of the slut-wear, smiled, then sat down on the edge of the bed. She immediately moved in to kiss me.

I stopped her. Finally I found the words to explain why I felt the way I did. How I felt so inadequate, that I couldn't ever measure up to what she wanted and needed, that it burned at me because I always believed you should do anything for your partner. I went on like that probably for a good minute or two, and when done she looked me in the eyes and without expression said,

"Uh huh. That's nice. Now, shut the fuck up because I really don't care."

And with that, she shoved her thong into my mouth and used her fingers to make sure it got all in there. Then she pinned my arms down to either side of my head and flashed a "I'm going to have fun" smile at me. I was once again, shocked. But if this is what she wanted, if she was going to get some of what she's been wanting all these years, I was going to do my best to give it to her… although it seemed like she was far more interested in taking what she needed.

Part 2