I almost fucked a conservative Mormon girl [mf] | 2016

I used to work at a bakery/cafe with a bunch of cute college girls. One girl, Andrea, was fancied by every guy at the shop, but since she was so innocent, none of us thought we'd ever fuck her. She was short, incredibly sweet, and had a contagious smile. She probably never met a person that didn't like her. Like everyone else at the cafe, I had always gotten along with Andrea but knew she was out of my league. I was - and still am - an average looking drifter who enjoys life but isn't going to get a girl like Andrea - a girl who was at the top of her class, extremely motivated, and very outgoing.

I was closing the shop one night with Andrea and to my surprise, she began showing an overt amount of attention towards me. I was running a report on the computer when she approached me with her girlish smile, "So, my roommates are gone for the night. Wanna come over and watch a movie with me?" She seductively added, "We'll be all alone." I was shocked because:

1. The hottest girl I had ever known was overtly hitting on me, making it obvious that she'd love to sleep with me that night.

2. Her choice of words were so cliche that they belonged in a softcore porn movie on Cinemax.

Being a straight man with a penis, I obviously agreed to her proposition. I was insanely excited yet played it cool throughout the rest of the night:

Me: "So Andrea, what time should I stop by tonight?"

Andrea: "How about around 11? I just need a little bit to get ready."

My Penis: "I think I'm gonna cum. Right here in public through my workpants."

Me: "Great. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

Andrea: "I'll be waiting for you." [Smiles at me and walk away]

My Penis: "I love how short you are. I'm cumming on your face as we speak."

My Brain: "Shut the fuck up and play it cool, penis."

I made my way to Andrea's apartment and she greeted me, wearing a pair of tight, silky pajama pants and a tight black tank top. I could see the outline of her panties through her pants, making me semi-hard. Also, she wasn't wearing a bra as I didn't see any straps in addition to the tank top straps. We sat down next to each other on the couch, with our legs touching, and I could immediately read where the situation was going: We'd watch a movie and eventually she'd drape her leg over mine. Then I place an arm around her and land a kiss on her cute little face.

Andrea suggested we watch Friends, which admittedly I liked at one point in my life. She got up and looked through her DVD collection, bending over to give me a view of her sexy, round little ass. I was in shock. Here was cute little Andrea, seducing me in her apartment by bending over in tight pajama pants. My image of innocent Andrea was shattered.

After watching about ten minutes of Friends, my prediction came true. She rested her foot on top of my leg and I offered to massage it. After she complied, we began inching closer and closer to one another, until finally, our lips met. I was in heaven. Her hair was incredibly soft and smooth. Her lips and tongue tasted perfect. Her skin was as smooth as her hair, so touching her exposed lower back while we kissed felt like a privilege. I started to take things up a notch by going for my signature "make her wet" moves. I started to kiss her ears and lightly blow my warm breath into them. I cradled her chin with my hand as I gave her soft kisses. When I kissed the sides of her neck, she tilted her head back and she arched her back in ecstasy. I was turning her on and couldn't believe how perfect this night was going. Things like this weren't supposed to happen to average guys.

Of course, I too began to get turned on. I slid my hand under her tank top and began feeling her big, round tits. I let my hand gently slide across her nipples, which were large and erect. I whispered in her ear what I wanted to do to her as she arched her back and neck even further. Once our kisses became more passionate, I was hard and creating a very noticeable bulge in my jeans. My cock isn't huge, it's more girthy than lengthy, but since I'm thin it looks pretty big. I caught Andrea looking down at it, and then she stopped kissing me. She backed off and caught me by surprise when she went into the following tirade:

"I've never had sex. I don't drink. I don't do drugs." She was speaking rapidly with no pauses in between sentences. "I'm Mormon and have never dated anyone. If I did, I'd prefer them to be Mormon as well."

Shocked again, this time in a bad way, I tried to navigate my way through this into a blowjob, but to no avail. I spat out the biggest lie in my life: "Well, I could convert to Mormonism for you. I'm open to it." I wasn't very convincing, as my three favorite things in life are sex, drinking, and drugs. We ended up just talking about her (incredibly boring, uptight, and extremely disappointing) beliefs until she finally showed me the door. More than likely, I was the first guy to ever kiss her like that. That, or she was so experienced with sex that she made up an elaborate lie about Mormonism on the spot in order to get out of mediocre sex with me. She ignored my text messages over the next couple of days and I got the point that she wasn't interested. I figured she was feeling guilty about getting so turned on over my monster cock (just joking. It's not that big. But you gotta make yourself feel good when a girl stops talking to you.) We continued to work with each other for a few months after that, but she was never the same, always keeping a distance from me. In fact, she didn't even accept my friend request on Facebook recently, likely because of our little fiasco together. Nonetheless, it was a fun experience that boosted my confidence, despite that the fact that it makes me curse Mormonism until this day.

TL;DR Fucking Mormons with their lack of sex.