[F]irst college experience at a Fraternity | 2016

Throwaway account to finally start talking about this

I met Kevin the first week at school. I didn't know exactly how to define myself; I had gone to Catholic schools all my life, same group of friends, small class. Orientation week at school was an entirely different world of people than I had ever experienced. All throughout high school, I had been a fairly quiet girl, few friends, theater people mostly.

Our school's orientation had programs and what not, but it was mostly known for the fraternity parties that happened. A few people from my floor had decided to go to one, and invited me along.

Standing in front of my closet, I debated what to wear. Ever since the 8th grade, I had been very aware of my body. I never had the chest that other girls did - I was tall and lanky. Several dresses in my closet were bought with the thinking that a big part of socializing in college would be talking to guys at parties such as the one I was headed to. I picked a red knee-length dress with a white nautical design.

Underneath I was wearing a matching set - black of course, in the knowledge that something might happen. During high school, guys had noticed me - mainly in athletic circles because I was a track runner. I lost my virginity senior year to a guy that I dated for six months.

Kevin was different though - 6'3, and a junior on the baseball team. He had come from the midwest, where he played baseball in high school. We had both been drinking a bit, but I kept catching him looking me up and down. Having only been at school a week - I decided that I would see exactly how far this would go. Kevin (or Kev, now) was the president of one of the other fraternities, and from a well-off town in suburban Boston.

We continued to flirt, and I went over to my friends, and he went back to his, and then we re-grouped later in the evening. He asked what my plans were, and I said that we might go to another party. Kev volunteered that some people were going back to his house, and that I should come and bring my friends. Two other girls came with me. I should have been a little more nervous, but I'd had a good amount to drink. My dress swished against my thighs as we walked across the bridge to the part of campus where he lived. There was loud laughing from the two guys, one of them talking to my friend Kate. She was short, blonde and very nervous.

Back at his frat house, we all sat down and drinks were distributed. Kev sat next to me and his friend sat near Katie; he sat close to me and I could feel his leg against mine. He leaned over and asked if I was doing alright. It occurred to me how much power I had right now - I could easily grab my purse and leave, taking Katie with me. He'd already gotten my number. But the thought that he wouldn't call or text if we didn't hook up crossed my mind. I said I had to use the bathroom and took Katie with me.

She said that she wanted to leave immediately, which frustrated me. I told her I wanted to stick around - to which she said that was fine, but that I had to text her. Back in the main room, she said goodbye and left. I sat back down next to Kevin, and noticed that his friend had headed away. We were alone in the room.

I brushed my hair back - brown, curly, usually unruly and a few inches below my shoulder. Kevin put his hand on my shoulder - bare, the dress had thin straps, and kissed me roughly. I could feel the stubble from his cheek. His hands quickly started to wander down to my midsection. At this point, my thinking was that I should get it over with, and then could always either fade on him - but if I didn't let him do what he wanted, I might lose the chance with a guy that clearly was a catch.

Moving my hand down, I felt his erection. He breathed on my neck slowly and cracked a grin as I began rubbing, and then asked if I wanted to go upstairs. We walked upstairs hand in hand and as soon as the door shut on his room, we began kissing again, and my hand went right to his crotch. Getting down on my knees, I slowly unbuckled his belt and took down his shorts and underwear, as he sat on the bed.

I began to lick up and down, rubbing his stomach with my hands. About a minute into it, he stopped me and stood up next to me. I was confused - I thought I was doing a good job. He wordlessly but gently spun me around and put his hands around my waist. I could feel his erection against the back of my dress. My heart raced a bit, realizing that he probably wanted to have sex.

He firmly pushed me down onto the bed, face first. I felt his hands reach down and stroke my legs, all the way up. My heart beat faster and faster as I thought about whether he planned to use protection - I was on the pill, but I didn't know him.

Without warning, I felt him pull my underwear down around my knees. He didn't bother to take it all the way off before I heard him spit into his hand and press himself against me. He wasn't large - maybe six inches; it fit easily into my mouth. But when he roughly pushed it inside me, I felt every inch and yelped.

As he began thrusting, I had the distinct thought that I had lost control. He was big and strong - he grunted as he pumped in and out of me. He asked me if I liked it - I managed to get out a breathy reply. His hands rested on my back, holding my now hitched up dress. There was no condom.

When he called me a slut and asked if I liked fucking guys, I replied that I did. My heart was now beating out of my chest, but all I could think was that right now - to him - I was sexy, and desirable. I was his dirty fantasy, and could give him this whenever he wanted.

Remembering something my high school boyfriend liked, I turned around and looked at him, telling him to cum all over me. His thrusting increased, and a few seconds later breathlessly ejaculated all over my ass, getting it on my dress as well. For a moment he just stood there, breathing hard.

I pulled my panties back up and he told me I could stay the night. Texting Katie, I told her I was fine. My hands were still shaking, but I told him I would head home for the night. Putting his boxers back on, he told me that he'd text me. There was no way for me to know, leaving the house with my semen stained dress, that I was just beginning an almost two-year ordeal.