Discovering my Newest Weaknesses [MF] | 2016

I still remember my first time. I remember losing my virginity in a cheap hotel room out of state and away from home. I remember not really wanting to lose my virginity that night, but not having the courage to say no. Since then, it's been hard for me to know who I am sexually. It wasn't a violent night or anything. Nothing to really dwell on, but it wasn't that enjoyable either. I've since moved on and found that I quite thoroughly enjoy being with someone in such an intimate way.

Society tells us that as women, it's not okay to be sexually open. You shouldn't want those things. Well fuck society because I definitely want those things. My libido is ridiculously high and I've considered seeing some sort of sex therapist about it more than once. Who would have guessed that by the time I turned 23 my thoughts on sex would have changed so drastically from that hesitant 18-year-old I had been in the beginning. I definitely didn't. Now I'm the one who wants to do the crazy things. I'm shy and nerdy most of the time. I even struggle to talk to people I've known for years. Get me in the bedroom though and if I lose myself in the moment, I'm a totally different person.

My sexual history made me pretty naïve even though I had such a desire to explore. It wasn't until I was with my current boyfriend that I started to try to branch out. He's a bit more reserved when it comes to talking about sex than most. It seems like he's interested in doing more, but refuses to communicate about it. I made it my mission to find out what he likes. We've been together for more than three years now and every plan I've had has failed. That is until just recently. He's dropped hints before that he was interested in playing with my ass, but I didn't think it was a very serious interest. He has been slowly getting me used to a few small things, testing the waters with putting a hand around my neck, trying to get me talking dirty, things like that. It seems he's been feeling me out more than I thought in preparation for the night when he would finally decide push it further.

I let him talk me into buying toys for the first time and became addicted pretty quickly. I've since purchased a few more on my own. I never thought to buy anything for my ass until he suggested it. I picked up a plug and a jelly dildo. He seemed to be immediately turned on when my package came in the mail. Still though, we weren't there yet and he knew it. He eased me into playing with my new toys here and there to get me more comfortable. Then I was really in trouble.

I had started to kind of like the idea he'd been planting. I wanted to try it, but I was too nervous to commit. One night he decided to get me really worked up. I had been horny on and off all day so it didn't take too much to get me going. He was shirtless. I could feel his bare skin pressing up against my back as he wrapped his arms wrapped around me. He kissed my neck, bit at my earlobe, breathed warmly against my neck, and pushed all of my buttons both literally and figuratively all somehow without giving me anything. I was frustrated. I hated how much I was loving it. When he becomes this incredibly sexy person, I can't help myself. Normally this will go on for a little while, but tonight he took it to the extreme. He teased me for two, maybe three, hours. I was a wreck. My pants were long gone, my shirt had never been there in the first place, and he wouldn't let me slip my hand down his boxers. I tried several times to roll over to kiss him, press myself against him, and wiggle my hands into forbidden places. He still had his arms wrapped around me, petting and grabbing with his hands. Each attempt to face him he would briefly tighten his grip and scold me with a cool, sexy voice. At this point in our relationship he already knew all of my weaknesses. He knew that all he had to do was moan into my ear and I was putty in his hands.

I began to beg, but he was set on things going his way. Why did that turn me on? I hate being rejected, but being teased and not allowed to touch was getting me pretty hot. In response to my pleas, he cooed into my ear, "Aw, you want this?" He pushed himself against me, grinding against my bare ass. "Yes," I breathed out heavily, "God, please yes." A light chuckle came, followed by more grinding. "That's too bad," he said, pausing to bite at my ear before breathily continuing. "You aren't ready for it are you?" Light kisses on my neck made it impossible to respond. "I told you to start playing with your ass didn't I? Now you want this, but you can't take it." I tried to garble out some sort of promise between my desperate breaths. He was set on getting his way. "It's too bad I have to be so mean to you hmm? If you want this," he pushed his hips forward against me, "then you'll have to start playing with yourself. I'm not giving it up again until I can fit it in that tight little asshole." Who was I becoming? Why did that turn me on? I used to be so opposed to dirty talk and especially opposed to any assplay. I needed to feel him and wanted so badly to be able to take him. He let go of me for the first time in hours and rolled away. Naturally I chased him, but I had no luck. I didn't push very far because I was already exhausted. It was late and I needed sleep.

Weeks later, he was still firmly standing his ground. For a while I had been playing with my ass. Trying to get it loose enough to take his dick without pain. He wasn’t making any moves and truthfully it wasn't as fun by myself. I was increasingly horny with each day since he had teased me so thoroughly. My patience were gone and I no longer had the self-control to ease into actually using my new toys. I wanted to get off and I didn't want to wait. The fastest way to do that was to play with my clit and pussy. I worried he would catch me playing with myself. Why that was a bad thing, I don't really know. I guess because most of the time he wasn't some sort of sexual god whispering into my ear as he grabbed a handful of my ass. Most of the time he was pretty disinterested in sex if I'm being honest. Whatever the reason, my toys were no longer good enough and I knew I needed him to feel satisfied. It had been too long and that night of teasing seemed to get me to a point where it was hard to satisfy myself. That night when we went to bed I was determined to get him to cave.

We laid down, him in his boxers and me in just pajama pants as usual. I let him get settled enough before I scooted over to his side and put my head on his chest. My hand started roaming even though I wasn't thinking much about it. I found myself tracing his collar bone, feeling along the side of his neck, sliding my hand across his chest. Every part of him was attractive to me. I had wanted him long before we were together and I don't think I could ever stop being so strongly attracted to him like this. After all these years I was fed up with holding back. I wanted to let go, let that switch flip, and find a way to get him to flip his too. "What are you doing," he asked almost irritated. Woops. My hand was still making little circles all across him. "I like you," I giggled hoping to emphasize that it was currently the physical part of him I was talking about. "I wanted to touch you. I guess I got a little lost in it and forgot what I was doing." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Uh huh.." I squeezed in closer to him, nestling my face in his neck. Should I push him? He doesn't really seem interested and I really don't feel up to being rejected right now. He let me stay, so I decided to carefully push forward by kissing his neck. Still no signs of him wanting me to stop, but he wasn't really showing interest either. I kissed him more and pressed my body against his. My hand was still wandering a bit. It was slowly making its way down to his waist. His strong hand caught my wrist and moved my hand back to my chest. "Not tonight," he mumbled, "I'm tired." I slid my leg up and hooked it over his, simultaneously moving my hand to his face. I attempted to kiss him, but he dodged me. Instead I kissed his neck again. I was more aggressive with this one. "Come on," I begged as cute as I knew how, "I want you and you've been holding out on me." He seemed like he didn't want to stop me, but again wasn't showing any real signs of interest. I kept pushing. I pulled him to face me, kissing him more as my hands grabbed at his back and hips. "Please," I breathed into his neck, "I need you tonight. I don't want to settle for no. I don't want to hold back with you anymore." He seemed to be slowly warming up, but still not there. "Why tonight," he asked curiously, "What's changed?" Always with the questions. Damn it just fuck me. I wasn't sure how pushy I could get away with. I forced a kiss and didn't pull away. "Because," I breathed, trying to maintain control of myself and the situation, "We've been together for so long and we're both still holding back. I don't want to hold back. I tried to calm down and I can't. I want you too much. I want to lose myself with you and I want you now." It's surprising that he was able to make out what I said as much as I was pausing to kiss him and bury my face against his chest and neck. I noticed while I was talking that his body language was much more receptive to me than his actual words. Of course he needed the control. That was it all this time. I was rejected because he likes control. I remembered all the times he tried to get me talking during sex in the past and knew just how to give it to him. "Please," I begged, "Please let me touch you. I need you. I want to feel you."

At some point I had wriggled in close enough that his arms were wrapped around me. His demeanor changed. He held on to me with more purpose, applying pressure as his hands rubbed my back. I pressed my face into his neck one last time, making it easy for him to get to mine, and whispered one more "please" into it before lightly biting him. His muscles became more rigid and his teeth found my ear. Yes. Finally. "You want me huh," he said before biting my neck much harder than I had bitten his. "Why should I do what you want hmm?" I told him I was desperate and that my toys weren't enough. I made it clear that my only hope of satisfaction was him. This seemed to work for him. He liked me begging. He liked knowing he could stop and I would still need him. He took a fistful of my long, brown hair and used it to turn my head so that he could more easily get to my neck. I gasped in shocked pleasure. He started to tease me like before. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. Without thinking I hooked my leg over his hip and used it to pull him closer. My hands were no longer in my control. They found their way to every part of him all on their own. We were both breathing more heavily than usual at this point. "Did you do what you were supposed to do," he mumbled out. I knew what he meant. "I was ready before, but--" I gasped as he bit my neck. "But...?" God he's such a pain. Why do I need him so badly? "I was ready, but you weren't," I said teasingly. I was worried this was going to kill the night, but he kept going. I remember being lightly scolded. I assume that was his way of staying in control because he was about to give in and he knew it.

My pants again had been long gone. When and how they were removed was a mystery to me. I was much more focused on other things. His hand finally found it's way to my pussy. He began rubbing me in small circles. My back arched at his touch and my hand instinctively slid inside of his boxers. I gripped his hard cock and a wave of satisfaction rippled through me. I finally got what I wanted. His cock was mine and I wasn't giving it up. He slid a finger inside of my soaking wet pussy and I started to rub up and down his shaft, tightening my grip as he fingered me faster and faster. "I want to feel you inside of me," I gasped. Knowing what I meant, he decided to tease anyway. "I am inside of you." His tongue lightly brushed up the side of my neck and flicked at my earlobe before he latched on with his teeth. I could hardly think, let alone talk. "Please," I heaved, "I want your dick inside of me." Still pumping, I felt his hard cock throb as the words left my mouth. That's right. You need it too. I thought to myself slyly. I felt good knowing how I was swaying him even though he was sure he was in charge here. I tightened my grip briefly in response to the throbbing, unable to control myself. He realized exactly what I had been doing at this point if he hadn't already known all along. This is where things really got interesting.

Still pulling him close with my leg around his hip, I started to instinctively grind against his hand as he moved back to rubbing my clit. He pulled his hand away suddenly and flipped me onto my back. Another weakness of mine exposed. I crumble when guys do stuff like that. He stopped letting me touch him, keeping my hands on his back and shoulders as he removed his boxers. My anticipation was building. Finally I would get what I wanted. Or so I thought. He decided to pay me back for pretending to let him be in control. Instead of penetrating me, he grinded against me instead. He sucked and bit at my nipples, another thing I couldn’t resist. I moaned in pleasure. I attempted to get my legs around him and pull him closer as he pulled away, but no luck. He let me latch my arms behind his neck before he lifted me. I let go as he turned me around and pushed me down. I was flat on my stomach now. He pushed his hips against my ass as he leaned over my body to breath against my neck once again. "It's too bad you didn't keep up with your end of the deal," he said quietly. No. No, no, no. Please don't pull away after all this build up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He started to grind against me, fake moaning into my ear. I felt goosebumps spread across my entire body. It was such a turn on that I started to moan with him. I tried to hold it in, suddenly feeling like he was somehow winning something. I couldn't stop. "Please don't," I started to beg for real now, barely able to catch my breath, "Please don't stop now." He seemed amused. "Don't stop??" He emphasized the don't. "You want this that bad," he asked pushing against me harder. My back started to arch again. "Yes," I breathed out, "I want it. I want you. Please." I was begging for real now. How does he always do this?

He teased me just a little more before slowly pushing his hard dick into my pussy. I was so wet that I almost didn't feel him pressing against the opening before pushing into me. I had never been so wet in my life. I moaned loudly, gripping the pillow in front of my face. He fucked me fast and hard. Then suddenly he stopped. I was sure he was going to pull out and tell me that was my punishment for tricking him and for not keeping my ass ready for him. I felt distraught and desperate. Distracted by my thoughts, I didn't notice him lean back down to my ear. "What's the matter," he breathed, "Is it not enough for you?" Ugh he's such an ass. Why do I love when he's so mean to me...? "You want more??" He started to slowly thrust again. I didn’t answer. "Well???" He bit my neck, "I can stop you know." "No!" I blurted it out without thinking. He laughed under his breath, "So you do want more. You like being used don't you?" Shit. Shit, fuck, shit. I... I do. "You like the idea of being used and you like being a little slut for me don't you," he kept on pulling my face out of the pillows by a handful of my hair, "You like being my little whore." I know he could tell I was into it. I had given up any hope of winning. As soon as he put his hand around my throat I knew I really had lost myself. Thoughtless, I started to reply. I agreed to everything. Every suggestion and statement that man whispered into my ear as he fucked me turned me on more. I wanted him to choke me. I didn't know or care why. I just wanted him to tighten his grip on my throat as he fucked me harder. Without realizing it, I started to buck against him as he was fucking me, pushing his cock deeper and deeper inside of me. My hand had left the pillow and was gripping the hand he had on my throat. His strong, sexy hand. He took the hint. He let go of my hair and gripped my neck a little firmer, holding my head up that way. His other hand moved to my waist, pushing to hold me down. "Oh fuck," I barely managed. He thrusted harder and harder. My hand was gripping his with more and more force. It was fumbling to communicate what I wanted without being able to get the words out. "You like that don't you," he grunted, "You're my slut. You want to be used like my whore." I moaned loudly and agreed thoughtlessly. His hand finally tightened and mine let go. I pulled the pillow to my face, screaming as well as I could with him cutting off most of my airflow. It was hard to breathe, but I didn't want him to let up. I wanted him to fuck me harder, but I couldn't tell him. I wanted him to choke me until I came. I wanted to feel his cum. He loosened his grip on my throat and again my hand flew from the pillows to his. "You want to feel dirty," he said between breaths to keep me worked up as he built to a finish. "You like it don't you, but you don't understand why. You want me to use you." The more he talked, the tighter my pussy got. I was so close to an orgasm that it was almost frustrating. He tilted my head back further and bit me hard. My body writhed in pleasure and pain. He started to thrust faster, still pushing hard and deep. My mind nearly blanked. Somehow my hand had found it's way to his yet again. He gripped my throat tightly as he turned up the pace. It took seconds for me to climax. I was screaming again. I felt his cock pulse within me as my muscles contracted around it. He let go of my throat and pulled himself out of me. I collapsed against the bed, breathing deeply and still faintly moaning. He gripped his dick and pumped for just a second longer before cumming all over my ass and lower back. Another series of moans escaped me. Who am I?

Never would I have ever considered agreeing to something like this if I had been asked. In the situation though, I couldn't imagine giving up something so amazing. I loved every bit of it. I loved the way he talked to me, the way he pushed me down, and the way he took control, using me like he did. This had to happen again. I had never felt so satisfied before. I could have laid there and fallen asleep and been happy. Naturally the ever romantic boyfriend of mine threw a towel at me, interrupting my bliss from across the room. "Clean yourself up," he said being purposely annoying, "You can't sleep like that."

Why I love him and his stupid irritating smirk I'll never know, but damn... What a night.